Living in a Broken World

The problem is we live in a broken world. Made up of broken people, and unless we are totally perfect, without a flaw, that includes every one of us, only we have a hard time admitting this brokenness, or don't even realize we are broken. Perhaps we believe we are the only one and we'll be found out. . . We live in fear of the future. We can't seem to hold it together, being torn in too many directions. Between home and work- Maybe we want to be home but can't, or we'll be thought less of. Maybe we want to work and feel guilty leaving the kids or we are frustrated in our attempts to move up the ladder. Perhaps we drink too much to deaden the pain, or we can't get moving in the morning because we are depressed-our expectations for life haven't really panned out. It could be our marriage is giving us a tough run, or we can't find that special person and we're tired of being alone. An addiction to pornography? Food? Anything? Perhaps we regret that decision we made-a one night stand, an abortion, screaming at the kids, or that affair.
The list goes on and on, and on. But no matter what it is, you're not alone. It has been done, happened, and been felt before. Over. And over. And over-like a broken record. We can be sure it will happen again-to some one somewhere. We are broken, doing the best we can, with what we have in this broken world.
"So what's the answer?" we might ask. I can say in all confidence Jesus. You see, He was broken too. For us. That is where the healing is found-in His brokenness we are redeemed. In His brokenness we find the pathway to wholeness. ". . by Whose stripes you were healed" (1 pet. 2:24, NKJ). Is this a magic trick to take it all away and make life perfect? Not in the least. This world is broken and will remain so because of sin. But Grace, now that is ours. Forgiveness for the meanness we feel and exhibit. Forgiveness for the making of idols (placing anything as more important than God- First). Forgiveness for the complete mess we make of our lives by trying to do it our way. Forgiveness, follows repentance as we cry out to Him Who is able to do immeasurably more than we could possibly imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
It will never all be "fixed" until that day when we leave this earthly home and stand made whole before the One who heals and makes whole. Each day is part of our refining process. But the truth lies within the Living Word (Jesus). God doesn't change, He is consistent and the same today, yesterday, and forever" (Hebrews 13:8). No matter how we try we aren't going to change that or His promises-no matter how hard we fight to get it our way.
We all need repentance. We all need the Savior. That's it. With that He can help us find the way. The truth. Life. (John 14:6) We may struggle, but nothing worthwhile is ever handed to us without struggle. Even His grace was payed with a price- Death- a struggle. And we, we struggle against the Grace gift- amazing as it is. Why? Perhaps we know that once accepted we have to change. (Jesus changes us. . . The woman at the well. The woman standing, waiting to be stoned. Zacchaeus the tax collector, the prison guards watching over Paul and Silas. It happens. The refining. It takes courage, humility, and grace. But the peace. Watch any of the "I Am Second" videos. Change happens.
I may not agree with all the protesting and name calling being done; I may not agree with your lifestyle and choices; I may not agree with how you raise your children. But that doesn't mean I don't believe you are loved by God just as I am. You are no less a human being. You are not crazy, stupid or Etc. He wants His best for you, for all of us. ". . . He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9, NIV). That includes you, me, us.
And here I can say I sometimes post things that I think are humorous. It doesn't always mean I agree or believe it, after all we all know everything on FB is true(lol). I sometimes like to stir the pot-bad. But we have a 45th President. His name is Donald Trump. Fact. I think we can all agree on that. We can steal his pens, but he will still be President and find a new one to sign his name as President. I will pray for him and my country, because I know the One who holds both in His hands. And I will be watching, waiting, in anticipation for what He will do. I'm sure it will be more than you or I can imagine.
Won't you join me?

Grandparenting With Grace: His will be done.

Six and a half  long hard years of life stolen by fear and uncertainty. Prayers whispered, prayers cried, prayers screamed-thought ignored and unheard. Pride and Selfishness via for top billing. Why should I have to pick up the pieces of some one's messed up life? I don't want to do this!!! I want to do what I want-finally now that the kids are grown and all on their own. It's time for me. I struggled, knowing what God had called me to, but not sure I was perfect for the task. I prayed to be willing. I prayed to be humble. I prayed to extinguish the selfishness. I prayed to be accepting. I willed myself to be it all. I re-buked the spirits of pride and selfishness, and so wanted to gracefully accept. HA!!! I laid it at the feet of Jesus, many times. But to no avail-- or so I thought. It is only in His time that our life unfurls in the direction He sets in motion. It is only when His work in our heart is accomplished that the frayed ends can be repaired and hold fast-standing firm against the pulling, heave and drag of the evil one's lies. We can lay it down over and over again, but until we truly relinquish our grasp over to our only True Strength-our Steadfast Rock- we will continue to struggle as He accomplishes His good work in us. When we are broken and cannot stand on our own, He will come through. When we indeed say, "His will be done." Then our prayers are answered. Soon our Grand-daughter will become our daughter. Soon the uncertainty will end and we will be secure, not only legally-but first and foremost in His hands.

Grandparenting with Grace: Not feeling Grace tonight after a sleepless night

So our little one has not been sleeping through the night since July-our youngest's wedding. She seems to be suffering from anxiety. Afraid she will lose even us. My heart breaks. What can we do? We assure her we will always love her; we will not leave her. But, Auntie did. She got married. Mommy did. She's living HER life. Those other key people she trusted did-an engagement.Cancelled. Lost 3 caregivers in a blink of an eye. How do I heal a child's broken-heart? All I want is sleep and to go to the bathroom alone.

Grandparenting with Grace: Fulfilling His will

It is amazing how God can use others to renew us. I am so thankful for our new Pastor, not that our interim, or previous, Pastor was not inspiring. However, I have really needed these recent sermons.

I had my  next ten years planned, and things fell apart. I was angry. I was bitter. I felt cheated out of time for myself. Yet today when I hear that dear sweet voice telling me I am loved, how can I not just squeeze that precious child? I know what is important. I know what I am being called to do. It may not be what I thought it would be, but it is what He is calling me to do. That is all that matters. My obedience is what He will reward me for, and I am already being rewarded. The blessings abound. My heart cannot hold the love I feel for this child. All I had planned is of no importance.

In the past I have always believed I was ready to do God's will. I wanted Him to be clear, write it out for me so I could please Him and fulfill His plan. It's funny how I thought I was so willing, yet I realize all my life I have been kicking and screaming through what He calls me to endure. What He asks me to accomplish for Him. My prayer today? That I have ears to better hear His whispered requests. That I have eyes that see beyond my own desires. That my hands eagerly reach out to whom He wants me to touch. That my feet are quick to move for His purpose, and that my heart remains open regardless of what life hands me.

Fear can be such an enemy of obedience to God. Yet fearing what "could happen" so robs one of the joy of today. I want today's joy. Fear has no place in my life if I am to do His will. If I am to be Him to others, I cannot fear.

Grandparenting With Grace: Today the Grace Eludes Me

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Some days are just not fun. I am reminded again that I cannot control how each day will progress. I can plan, but more often than not, plans do not unfold as expected. Take this last Monday for example, I had some errands to run and then the afternoon was going to be spent at home getting a few things done and enjoying the beautiful day. However, my grandchild decided to have one melt-down after another,,,, until I had one of my own. Yes, I became as mature as the screaming, thrashing 3 year old in the back seat. Usually I can hold it together and talk her down from whatever set her off. Monday, nothing worked. Instead, after each burst of temper and emotion-another followed with her next breath. Nothing got done. To make matters worse we were in the car on the way to an appointment, which I canceled. Silly me, I had pulled over for her to watch two Bald Eagles on the side of the road--huge and majestic birds flying off, then returning to eat some road kill. The melt down was caused by not being able to see the road kill. Had I ignored the Eagles perhaps we could have avoided the melt down? Her first melt down that morning had been over not being able to hug and kiss the cats goodbye after their vet appointment before we left for the chiropractor (after dropping them off back at home), they were too quick getting out of their crates. No chiropractor, no groceries. We turned around and went home. Unfortunately it continued to be meltdown day. Every request, every correction was met with a meltdown. Finally I just put her to bed. She slept for 2 hours. Go figure, it was only 11:30 am, she had slept in til 8 am. I never thought she could be so tired. But, I was. Tired of the crying, screaming, demanding. Tired of trying so hard to get it right. Tired of holding everything together for everyone. Tired of wanting so much and having to settle for this--the muddling through of raising another child. I don't care what any expert tells me, or you, we never get it "right" (perfect) because all situations are different and each child unique. I know I was a better mother 20-30 years ago, no matter  the experience I have gained since. I wish I had that same energy and expectation I had back then, the hopefulness for the future. I have too much knowledge, too much experience and I am tired. Monday I was happy. Looking forward to the week, but Monday drained me and today I am still sad, grieving for HOPE.  She seems to have gotten away from me.

There is so much that needs to be done. Just the simple tasks of everyday life. I can't seem to get them done when I am drained by the demand for patience that is beyond what I have to give. My husband doesn't understand that once drained of patience, energy is not easily available to give to other tasks-or even enjoyable activities. For even my enjoyable activities demand patience. For example, sewing, interacting with my horses, teaching a Sunday school class, etc, etc. You get the picture here? There are days I have nothing left to give. I have nothing, I am an empty vessel crying out to be filled. I pray, read scripture. I cry and keep trying. But I am alone, so alone. Where can encouragement be found? I have asked for help, but there is none to be found. There are few to ask to give me a break. My friends are busy with their lives and do not like the interruption of a child during our conversations or visits, so these have become few. I know God must be at work in this, but it really feels like a long distance relationship.In addition, I have no rights, no authority. I am reminded of this constantly, being told I need the mother's signature- information cannot be released to me, even though I am the one bringing the child everywhere telling whoever what needs to be known. I say screw it. Each day I become a little more invisible, I fear one day I will cease even being able to see myself.

I also know I am dealing with feelings. Feelings change. I am wondering if tomorrow will bring something better than today. I am tired of being sad. I want to smile, to laugh to feel light and free to enjoy life. I want someone to tell me I am doing a great job. That they're proud of me and admire me for what I have undertaken. I want someone to come alongside of me and carry my cross for a few steps up the steep hill of life. I'd like someone to cry with me, understand my fears, and my insecurities. I am tired of having to hold it all in because no one wants to hear me speak of the pain. Because after all "Grand-parenting is so fun".

Grandparenting With Grace: Peaceful Times

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Seems like only yesterday this little one came to live with us and yet is almost a year. I can't believe we have come from barely being able to understand what is being requested or needed to full sentences with proper grammar and perfect word articulation. Today I wonder what my day would be like without a little one to buddy up with me and chatter my ear off. Oh, I get tired and the daily care can wear on me at times, yet I wouldn't trade it in for days all to myself. I've gotten used to the trips to the potty, my schedule revolving around meals and naps.

We start a parent child class next week and it will be interesting. I suggested they offer a grandparent child class. I am wondering if this is something I need to start on my own and perhaps have it meet at my church. It would be nice to know how to get a feel for the need of such a group in my community.

I am enjoying the flow of our days and the peace we have in our lives at the moment. It is so much easier to expend the energy caring for this precious child when things seem to be going along well and I don't have to use my energy fighting the dragon that can breathe fire and singe the peace from our lives. I really don't care for that dragon called fear. Fear of what could happen, fear of what is being threatened, fear of how technical the world is getting and how hard it is to keep a child safe because of that. There seems to be so much out there that can cause our precious little ones to be drawn into a life of turmoil and despair. Right now is a time of innocence, a time of freedom to enjoy the simplest pleasures without worrying about poor choices and lifelong consequences. Knowing I am responsible for another child and have the role of teaching, guiding, and directing as life unfolds and the years pass, is intimidating. It means I have to stay up on what is current in our world and popular within our culture. And I thought I was at an age where I could sort of just let it all slide by. Silly me.

Grandparenting With Grace: Fulfilling His Will

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

It is amazing how God can use others to renew us. I am so thankful for our new Pastor, not that our interim, or previous, Pastor was not inspiring. However, I have really needed these recent sermons.

I had my  next ten years planned, and things fell apart. I was angry. I was bitter. I felt cheated out of time for myself. Yet today when I hear that dear sweet voice telling me I am loved, how can I not just squeeze that precious child? I know what is important. I know what I am being called to do. It may not be what I thought it would be, but it is what He is calling me to do. That is all that matters. My obedience is what He will reward me for, and I am already being rewarded. The blessings abound. My heart cannot hold the love I feel for this child. All I had planned is of no importance.

In the past I have always believed I was ready to do God's will. I wanted Him to be clear, write it out for me so I could please Him and fulfill His plan. It's funny how I thought I was so willing, yet I realize all my life I have been kicking and screaming through what He calls me to endure. What He asks me to accomplish for Him. My prayer today? That I have ears to better hear His whispered requests. That I have eyes that see beyond my own desires. That my hands eagerly reach out to whom He wants me to touch. That my feet are quick to move for His purpose, and that my heart remains open regardless of what life hands me.

Fear can be such an enemy of obedience to God. Yet fearing what "could happen" so robs one of the joy of today. I want today's joy. Fear has no place in my life if I am to do His will. If I am to be Him to others, I cannot fear.