A continuation of the writings from those beginning years of heart break. (It's been 16 years now and I am still waiting and praying.)
It hurts! It hurts!
I just want it to
stop.
This pain in my
heart.
This knot in my soul.
It hurts! It hurts!
I can’t be a part of
something she doesn’t want to share.
The pain won’t stop!
I cannot hide.
Sometimes it’s so
intense
I wish I would just
die.
My heartache won’t
cease.
I can’t get away!
I cry! I scream!
I pray!
No matter, it won’t
go away.
Go away, go away, go
away.
Wish I could, but
there is nowhere to go
To escape the pain.
It follows me, haunts
me,
Day after day.
How can one live with
rejection?
Christ didn’t—
He died because of
it.
I now know how he
felt.
Sometimes I’d like to
trade this rejection for death.
But there was victory
after Christ’s death--
In the resurrection.
I’m waiting for the
victory.
It’s been promised.
So I will live,
If only for His
victory
And the resurrection
of a life lost
That will again be
found.
I had a daughter
once, but she went away,
Told me she didn’t
love me—I wasn’t her mother any more.
I am slowly beginning
to believe it.
She never calls or
writes.
It’s like I never
existed for her.
But wasn’t it just
yesterday
I held her to my breast
and satisfied her cries?
Why can’t I comfort
her anymore?
Why does she need
things I can’t provide?
Maybe it was all a
dream
And I never really
did exist for her.
I WANTED
All I ever wanted was
to love you.
To brush your hair,
Hear you laugh,
Kiss you goodnight.
Enjoy your friends,
Give you hugs,
Watch you become an
adult.
I never wanted you
To hate me
Or feel unloved.
Or, hurt you in any
way.
I guess wanting isn’t
enough.
No one ever showed me
how to do these things
And I have failed.
But I so wanted…..
I wish I knew if you
ever cried—
Or needed me.
I wish I knew if you
ever even—
Thought of me.
You see, you’re on my
mind—
Every moment.
I even dream of you.
Did you know I miss
you?
But when I see you—
I don’t even know who
you are.
I remember a
different girl—
One with smiling eyes
And laughter.
You were so excited
about life then—
What you were doing,
Where you were going.
When I look at you I
don’t see her any more.
Do you know where
that girl went?
I’d like to talk to
her.
You see—
I love her and have
so much to share with her
.
If you see her—my girl—
Could you tell her
to come home?
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